Transitioning from body building show prep to normal life has been strange. I’m uncomfortable in where I’ve allowed my habits to come to. It's been an adjustment for sure!
Leading up to my show I was diligent about my routines and about eating timely well measured and accounted for meals.
My schedule was pretty consistent. I felt good most of the time, with exception of the weeks directly before my show when I was exhausted and hungry because my cardio was up while my calorie/macro intake was down.
I know maintaining that level of fit is not necessary and not really sustainable forever.
I am now 2 full month passed my stage presence and craving to be there again.
Getting into the preparation and work towards this goal of stepping on stage I knew it was a tricky tight rope walking with my past of disordered eating. Leading up to the show I felt empowered because I know that with the amount I was lifting, moving, doing-I had to be eating to reach my goals. Now upon the completion of that adventure I’m left to navigate my way back to some new form of normal. It’s been an adjustment for sure!
I was caught by my husband actually using the phrase, “I’m fat now.” With which he reminded me that kind of talk is not allowed in my house! Rule instated by ME! No use of “I look fat,” “I am fat.” Or anything like it. I feel fat is sometimes tossed around but never ever in the ear range of my children.
I am ready to get back to lifting heavy again. I’m just struggling to find my Why since my competition is over. When I knew I had the goal of standing on stage for my 40th that was my Why…am I doing it now because I’m selfish and going purely for the aesthetic?
I’m ok with not having the perfect body. I’m ok with not being the strongest woman in the room. I do enjoy having muscles though, I do enjoy feeling strong, I do enjoy being the strongest! I did really enjoy the whole process (work, discipline, eating…)to get myself on stage, I also loved the nerves the days, weeks and moments leading to stepping on stage, I also enjoyed being on stage.
Maybe it’ll be a part of my future.
Until then I need to earn money in all of the ways so I can pay for the many more important parts of my life.
(Kids dance classes, karate classes, food, vacation, college tuition! To name a few 😜)
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